stand back...we are robots

existing has its on little way of reminding one of its lack of autonomy in life. we are notified of eviction just when the road appears to be clear and steady. in "x" days of life, a feeling of control is a constant. Of course this requires not considering those moments where said power is lacking, which seem to come more often than the controlled. 

in regard to understanding, the past seems simpler than the now, tomorrow included. reaching for hands that appear nothing but inches away.

here and now is a time when many men have no agency. we are not acting, just happening. as the moments past more approach with agendas similar to those past.

helpless. yeah that's it. helpless. 

transmission end.

on searching

those in search yearn for beauty.
those who have found yearn for beauty as well.
those who have lost yearn also for beauty.

unfair it may be, for beauty is as noble as the love it eludes.

what do you do...

when you stare in the mirror and staring at you is why they're not here.





 *shouts out to kelly c. 

愛のない

To love another is to care about the self less. This is not a negative. The man who truly loves another cares about said one more than himself. This is simple for one who understands how to love.



Right?

Acrophobia?

the trials of free falling into nothingness is a fear that i, unfortunately, know not enough about. my issues stretch farther, to free falling into something of too much something-ness or controlled landing into places i know nothing about. at this point and time all i can truly relate to is the feeling of the letters W-T-F as my fingers ever so politely stroke them softly.

after years of consideration i have come to the conclusion that i suffer from a bad case of scared height syndrome. the falling is always different for me. either free falling or controlled into a lot of nothing or a lack of something. the trend has never been a constant when it regards to the downs. but in controvert, the opposing side is generally consistent. the element of being so high all the time is a fear that I, unfortunately, know all too much about. the ups are always up.

the idea of having too much fun, or laughing too much, or smiling all the time is so close to happiness that it causes fright in the upper left side of my chest. imagine it...happiness. it's the one thing that we all strive for in life, the single thing that brings us all together with the ability to tear us all apart.

the idea of it all sickens me. instead of embracing the highs of the ups i relinquish them by either jumping or easing my way back down. true as it may be, i may be in dire need of a roller coaster alcohol anonymous equivalent.

I live at 31 McAlister Dr.
And I am afraid of heights.

beautiful contraditons

the beauties in life are the simplest complexities when concerning phenomena. Picking up trash in dresses, simply for love. thinking about decisions we've already made. harming ourselves for the sake of others well being. the wait is typically worth it. the phenomena behind it all is so private and exhilarating that such experience can not be explained, for the noblest of acts can only be experienced.

do something with your life...

In the essence of simplicity one is often questioned, "how do I fit in?" My place is one so complicated that the truth may truly be further away than this fantastical imagery that has surfaced by my own fault. If love were simple would the fight be worth it? If love were worth it would the fights be worth it?

The fantasy, of course, includes a slight glare at what some would interpret as perfection. Similar to the truth, with fantasy, the mind acts without limits. The conflict exist within the difference between the two, for fantasy and truth are not interchangeable.

To act on fantasy as if it were truth is less noble then to act on truth as if it were fantasy. But it is acting on either truth or fantasy without the understanding truth that is the least noble. For unlike fantasy, the truth is bound with that that truly exist, tangibly that is.

For action, the man who acts is honored more than he who does nothing.
For truth, the man who understands is honored more than he who does not.
For life, the man who does nothing due to understanding of the truth is the noblest man, for the truth is bound by that that truly exist.