Acrophobia?

the trials of free falling into nothingness is a fear that i, unfortunately, know not enough about. my issues stretch farther, to free falling into something of too much something-ness or controlled landing into places i know nothing about. at this point and time all i can truly relate to is the feeling of the letters W-T-F as my fingers ever so politely stroke them softly.

after years of consideration i have come to the conclusion that i suffer from a bad case of scared height syndrome. the falling is always different for me. either free falling or controlled into a lot of nothing or a lack of something. the trend has never been a constant when it regards to the downs. but in controvert, the opposing side is generally consistent. the element of being so high all the time is a fear that I, unfortunately, know all too much about. the ups are always up.

the idea of having too much fun, or laughing too much, or smiling all the time is so close to happiness that it causes fright in the upper left side of my chest. imagine it...happiness. it's the one thing that we all strive for in life, the single thing that brings us all together with the ability to tear us all apart.

the idea of it all sickens me. instead of embracing the highs of the ups i relinquish them by either jumping or easing my way back down. true as it may be, i may be in dire need of a roller coaster alcohol anonymous equivalent.

I live at 31 McAlister Dr.
And I am afraid of heights.